6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

One year ago, the Charlotte Bobcats officially became the shittiest team in NBA history. (This past season, however, they improved — being one game out of last place in their division and a few losses away from owning the worst record in the league is, technically, an improvement.) But back when the Charlotte Hornets existed in the 1990s, they enjoyed some playoff success, the 1990s-est uniforms in the NBA, and the best sports marketing gimmick this side of “Bo Knows”: Larry Johnson’s alter ego, Grandmama.

To help the Bobcats become a less awful organization, team owner Michael Jordan has decided to draft better players change the team name to the Charlotte Hornets. Jordan obviously wants to recapture some of the success the Hornets enjoyed back in the day. But we think he’s only going halfway. He should also bring back Grandmama.

Why would the alter-ego of a good-but-not-great NBA retiree be a game changer for the Bobcats / Hornets? We’re glad you asked … 6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

#1. She’s a monster in the paint (because she’s on the juice).  6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets
6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

#2. She always has her finger on the pulse of what kids are into these days.6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

#3. Merch sales would skyrocket — after all, she made people think these shoes were stylish.

6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

#4. Unshaved legs? She’d be a feminist icon.

6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

#5. Fans would love her because she’s so down to Earth. Proof: She lives in a goddamned shoe.

6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

#6. She has a much better jump shot than the Bobcats’ current franchise player.

6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets6 Reasons Grandmama Should Rejoin The Hornets

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